Yesterday I ended up meeting with my doula for a brief lunch and then made my way downtown to purchase this notebook I've been lusting for months.
Along the way my sorry ass got tired and I ducked into this dingy diner to have a tea. I never do food things alone. Ever.
I'm not the kind of person to make food for myself or order alone and sit there and eat. If I'm alone, I'll go hungry. I don't know what it is about being alone with a bowl and gobbling it down, but something inside of me screams sadness when I even consider it. But the oddest thing is I never consider it. Almost as if I never get hungry unless I'm with other people. And even with others, I'm not hungry ever, it's more the social interaction of eating that gets my appetite in motion.
Well yesterday when I stopped into this little diner someplace along Thompson Street (or was it Mercer?), I sat alone as a woman around mid-50s waited on me. I first felt guilt for not wanting to order food, so I ordered a tea but kept the menu in an attempt to make the waitress believe I'd be filling the table with plates galore.
What did she care? If anything the longer I sat there, the more she came by to see if I was "ready to order" and the more frustration I caused in this poor soul. Well she called me out on it. "You can tell me truth, ya don have to ge anything, cha know?"
It was like staring straight in a mirror and realizing your eyes aren't actually brown, but instead have a ring of green on the inside. 31+ years thinking you had pure brown eyes and now seeing the truth....
I must have looked horrified because she took a seat across from me with her pot of coffee still in her hand. "when is baby coming?" she asked as if to stop the shock of what was going through my head. "hoping today, but so far no coming attractions."
Why I said coming attractions to a woman new to America is just beyond me...
"What's wrong?" At which point I felt more connected to this being than anyone else in the world. I wanted to cry on her shoulder and tell her nothing was wrong other than the suspense was killing me and the phone calls and the text messages and the cramps and the anticipation...
but instead I asked her where she was from and how long she'd been in NYC and where she lived and where the rest of her family was. Dominican Republic. 7 years. Astoria, Queens. All in the DR.
And then I asked her what she thought I was having. And she said "a healthy and happy baby."
So I asked her if she had kids, "oooooh ches! (translation "oh yes!") 4 girls and 2 boys."
I told her I thought it was a boy but I'd be happy with whatever and I just wanted it to come so I could see him/her and make sure it was healthy and ok and how at this point I didn't care about anything else, but the health, its the health that I'm most concerned about.
"Es possible tomorrow morning you wake up with the healthy baby so jus relax en enjoy today."
Which led me to ask her "where would you like to wake up tomorrow?"
"Under the sea, where there are no coffee cups, no bills, no rent. No yelling or beeping cars. Only angel like fishes. but I would want my whole family there with me, swimming silently as a team."