Someone loves me

I can't remember the last time I got flowers, so getting this perfect
bunch was the most lovely surprise and truly made my day.
Obviously my first thought was "oooh, secret crush" but then I found
the card:

Thank you Tinkerbell!
-Selene

So incredibly unnecessary but oh so kind. Flowers really do make you
feel good, especially when you get your favorite kind in your favorite
color.

I just need to say this....

We all face our own challenges each day. Some are obviously big, like cancer - but even the small ones, like dealing with in-laws or a bad day with your boyfriend, are challenges in their own right. It's all relative to you and your day.
So I hope each of you know that whatever you are facing, whatever it is that's getting to you, don't ever feel guilt like it's not meaningful because it's not a frightfully huge deal in the grand scheme of things. It matters if it's bothering you. And we all know that it's those little things that can pester us the most because they're the most annoying and unnecessary.
But for whatever it is you're dealing with, big or small, I'm here to listen and trust me when I say I understand.
So bitch, cry, scream, whatever.
That's what friends are for. At least that's what I'm here for...well that and I'm always here if you need a beach buddy or someone to eat fries with. Or meatballs. Obviously I'm always here to eat meatballs with too. Swedish, Italian, whatever.

Happy happy!

This restaurant in Melbourne makes me instantly happy. I need more yellow in my life.

the heart is very faint.

Love this idea of wallpapering a room with pages from an old book. When I was in Big Sur shooting at Anthony's house, I fell in love with a room that had a wall of collaged maps, magazine tears, book pages and old photographs. Feels so authentic and gives so much meaning to the room.

some thanks

1. today was a fast day at the office
2. mom and dad. I just love you both SO much.
3. acai berries
4. the blue of the sky all day long
5. tallulah being the most lovely princess of panda bears and fattness ever to walk the planet
6. went to the dentist, no cavities and no co-pay!
7. have time to walk to the gym today, which means I save $5 from no taxi ride
8. my skirt blew up from the wind today and the only person that saw it said "not bad, not bad." which made me feel better and less creeped out than the last time when a guy ducked down and tried to look even more under
9. honey with greek yogurt
10. black tights

ode to Tricia

I could write a book on Tricia. I could write a trilogy on the differences between myself and Tricia.
As most of you know our mothers shared a hospital room the day we were born (actually days, as she's born the 6th and I am the 7th). From the beginning we were opposites - she came out of the womb with long luscious locks of black hair, already done in a beautiful French braid, with these giant blue eyes. If I recall correctly she also begin reading short stories by her 3rd hour being alive. Then I came along - months early, a pointed cone head, blotchy skin, no hair (for years to come) and screaming like a madman (for years to come). I think it was Tricia that originally told the nurses to check me for a stomach problem she heard about when she was an hour old.
As the years went on some things changed, but many things didn't. She remained a genius, going to Harvard and then Columbia Law, and is now a lawyer.
I, well I didn't go to Harvard technically, but I did enjoy many insane weekends partying my ass off there. And I'm not a lawyer, although I've need one or two through the years....
She always had a plan - meet a guy, date for x amount of time, move in together after x amount of time and then get engaged in x amount of time. Oh and show said guy ideal ring for proposing with.
I, well, I don't even have a plan as to how I'm going to get from the gym to the movie all in time for the opening scene. Nor do I care. I fly by the seat of my pretty dress.
But no matter where in life we've been, we've never parted. We don't see each other much and don't even speak that often, but when we do, it's good. It's real and it's nice and even though we are completely opposite, I understand her and I know she understands me.
Which is why I'm so proud of her for the next step she's taking in life. She's met such a solid, loving, sweet guy. I can see their future, and not because she has it perfectly mapped out, and I know it's full of happiness. Which, clearly, makes me full of happiness.
Oh love.

feels like yesterday

Time is such a strange thing. This photo was taken in 1991 but I remember this moment like it was yesterday. I remember getting dressed that morning, I remember the smells in the house, I remember what I was thinking about as we drove through the canyons in Colorado. I remember all that was going on in my life exactly then.

But oddly enough, I don't really remember what I did last week. Maybe it's that I don't want to remember all the thoughts, smells and sites from last week. Hmmm, deep thoughts.

doesn't get better than this

The happy family of 4.

why stop now, right? more when I fake grow up...

I additionally want a beach house that I can decorate exactly like my favorite hotel in Zanzibar.
My ideal day would be waking up around 9, drinking freshly squeezed orange juice, jumping in the ocean, then going for a loooong walk with my lover, kids and pups. Coming back home for lunch and an afternoon of surfing. At which point all my friends would come over for sunset drinks, beach soccer and then dinner of lobster and fish and amazing wine. The rest of the evening would include dancing by the fire and watching shooting stars.
Sounds like my typical day in Tulum actually. Minus the surfing and the kids. And the lover. Oh and I'm usually working from 4am to sunset. But still, always feels like an ideal day there.

more from my "make-believe future" files

I've always wanted an old house with a pool, a big finished attic, outside fireplace, a large lawn for my kids, ducks and dogs and a garden. Not a house I live in all year but instead a place to go on weekends or summers. This house would have a giant but cozy kitchen where I'd host chili and football parties while kids and grown-ups play in the yard. The bedrooms would be sparse but again, cozy and warm - antique chic furniture from my travels around the world. The wood floorboards creaky and an old globe that my kids could spin and point to a place and i could tell them a story about one time when I was there...like "oh yes, Cuba! What a crazy place it was back then, Castro was in power and no one could leave the country. There were all these old cars in mint condition....."
A house where everyone wants to be and no one ever wants to leave. A place I can think of when I'm old and thankfully say to myself "ahhhh, what beautiful memories that home gave me." And in return know that the walls of the home will forever hold stories of laugher and love and hug everyone as they enter the room.

one day

I'm not entirely sure why but for the past 9 years or so I've collected photos of ideas I love for a wedding day. It's not like I ever plan on having a wedding (and if I do, it wont be a big affair that I'll need my archives for) but there's something so beautiful to me about collecting these images to create an ideal moment in time.
I came across this photo and recall thinking to myself "IF i ever have a wedding I would put up a giant screen like this one, over the water and have snapshots and videos projected onto the screen of all the people I love that are there celebrating with me and my lover." I still love the idea. In fact there's not a single photo I've collected - from inspirational dresses to flowers to colors - that I don't love still to this day. Which is rare since it's been such a long time and my taste has definitely evolved through 9 years. But apparently I'm quite on target with my make-believe wedding.
Strange irony there. Don't-ya-think?

Master of ceremonies

This young fellow must have some major magical capabilites because he somehow brought his giant piano down into the subway system. Sometimes I have problems getting myself in heels down there, to lug a musical instrument larger than a flute could not be the easiest task.
Major props to this guy.

Sweet love

Tricia and Rich are engaged! The moment we've all been waiting for happened yesterday. Obviously Tricia is glowing and freaking out. Hoooorrrrrraaaaaay!
Congratulations to the lovers!

Mr and Mrs

The bride and groom at their nuptials on Friday evening. Notice the
ring pops on their fingers.
So sweet.

"The only real valuable thing is intuition. Your intuition is
connected to your spirit. It's all of our senses. You see it, you feel
it, you smell it, you know it - and the knowing is your gut instinct.
Your gut is usually right. As long as people are a bit curious,
they'll start hearing, feeling, and knowing themselves better."
-Peggy Rometo, intuitive healer

love this

*thanks to jax for sharing!

hi, i'm fat and i love it

Look at these handsome men Max met on his walk today. Yes, Fat and Fatter. Harro.

a great day to get married

No, sorry mom, not me...

Woke up to amazing news that my dear friend Carrie is marrying the love of her life TONIGHT! I'm really bummed out that I wont be able to make it there to witness, as it's happening at 5:30 up at Central Park and I have a budget meeting set for the same time. Sucks.
Here's the email her husband-to-be sent out at 1am to announce it to everyone:

"For those who haven't heard, Carrie got laid off this week, which means she'll lose her health insurance unless she quickly joins mine -- so that's what we're doing. And we want all of our friends, relatives and co-workers to be there!

This is last-minute, obviously, so we understand if you can't be there. But we're giddy at the chance to suddenly stand in front of everyone and tell the world that we want to be husband and wife.

We're gathering at 5 p.m. Friday at 100th St. and Central Park West. (Take the B or C train to the 96th St. stop and walk four blocks north.) Then we're walking inside the park to the area known as The Pool (http://www.centralparknyc.org/site/PageServer?pagename=virtualpark_northend_thepool). Ceremony will start sometime after 5:30 p.m.

(A Parks cop will be there to help things along, so please, no alcohol.)

I'm sure I've forgotten to add some people to this list, so please forward it far and wide.

Hope to see you there!"

special thanks

I left my journal home today so instead of writing my 5 facts of gratitude in there, I'll write it here. Although, today was not a great day, in fact I hated it and wish I could erase it entirely from my mind. Went to the dr with Selene today and just felt so helpless as I listened to him talk to her. Although some great news did come out of it, so I have to look at that side of it instead of the negative.
Here goes:
1. My friends, especially today Tara and Lobo. Those two have so much love and care so greatly, there isn't a selfish bone in either of them. They are so solid and real. I should name my first born Tabo or Lora (get it? a combo of Tara and Lobo?).

2. I had porridge for breakfast with Amanda at Friend of a Farmer. It was amazing food and hilarious (baby) conversation. Her belly just popped a bit, as she's hitting her 5th month!

3. Got to talk to mom finally today. She's having the time of her life on her trip. NO ONE deserve relaxation and fun more than her and dad. I am so happy you two are having a blast! And dad, mom called you "delicious" - quite impressive after 39 years!

4. I downloaded Beyonce's Single Ladies (put a ring on it) today. That song makes me instantly happy.

5. Selene. Of course. And the fact that her cancer is hormonal based. Which, as the dr put it, is "great" because it's easily kept under control. She, Selene, never ceases to amaze me with her strength and humor and her kindness.

Hope all of you had a great day, full of happiness. Feel free to leave a comment about what made you grateful today, your thanks could make my day better. xo

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet, this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of time and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity in freedom. The only real security is not owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now. One must accept the serenity of the winged life, ebb and flow, of intermittency."
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

the big sister

Ava is an amazing big sister, so caring and loving - super sweet.

Here she is cuddling, watching a movie with the piglet I gave her. So cute.

Jenna is an amazing mom, I am in awe watching her with these two little ones. What lucky little ladies they both are.

there's nothing better than a day at work, with a kid

Lillia and her mom came to visit last week. It was, hands down, the best day I've had at the office.
Lillia is an amazing multi-tasker. Check out the phone, mouse, keypad move. Genius.

Reason Natalie makes me laugh endlessly, number 2,843: she's a good stalker

Got this email from Natalie moments after she left work the other day.

The subject was: Gossip Girl, Taylor Momsen
[for those of you that don't know, she's a main character on Gossip Girls]

And here is what Natalie wrote:

"Ah, I spotted her on 23rd at 6th ave. She was with a slightly older guy, her dad or manager. She was whining in her Jenny voice and he was giving advice or consoling.
I spotted her b/c of her super blonder mullet.
I walked behind her to 7th ave. She totally checked herself out in a window at one point & shook out the mullet.
Super, super skinny. But kind of wide-ish body.
Def made my day :)"

Gotta love a good stalker, good job Natalie!!!!

taken sunday on the westside highway

I made this heart ages and ages ago one late evening on a walk home. The idea was for me to go at random hours of the day and throughout the seasons to take the exact same photo, just with a change of environment/as the ink on the heart wore off. To be honest, I forgot about my idea until Sunday. So I guess I kinda missed the boat on that one. I'm going to go back soon at sunrise and then again at sunset and see what kind of shot I get.
This idea is loosely based off of one of my favorite photo books, The Golden Gate Bridge book by Richard Misrach. He took a camera and tripod to a rooftop facing the bridge over a span of 2+ years. The effect is breathtaking. Some days the bridge is so perfectly clear you feel like you can touch it, other times the photo is pure orange with no bridge in site, then there are the days that he did long exposures and you can see trails from airplanes and/or the moon and stars. The book is just a reminder of how the world changes so much every second of the day and how you never really see the same thing twice.
Open your eyes.

the most beautiful

more mom and baby.

Yup, this is exactly what you think it is. Pee in the shape of a heart. Yes, it's true. There's a doggie out there (in Cyprus) that's so full of love that he expresses himself this way.
Lysa, only you would adopt a furry monster that pees love! It's amazing!
Give him a big hug from me!

Olivia Max Kahn

HOLY HOLY HOLY! Jenna just had her baby! Here's the first email:

Subject: Olivia Max Kahn

On Tuesday, March 24, 2009, at 05:54PM, <jenkohn@aol.com> wrote:

>Arrived 516pm healthy and cute as ever!!

>Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Chrissy, this one's for you

http://www.sexypeople-blog.com

per.fec.tion.

Forget Brad and Angelina. Lisa Bonet and her drop dead sexy husband are the two most incredible creatures in the universe.

So chill, so healthy looking, so beautiful.

LOVE.

"My nana always said there were distinct differences between friends.
One being those friends who say they're there for you but in actuality
they aren't. Then there are the friends that say it & mean it. Then
there are those that don't say it, but there they are, holding you up
unexpectedly. Indeed it's those same "claimers" [those who say they're
there but aren't] who lean on you most when they are in need. Usually
it's those same people that are pretty dull, can't make their own
decisions because they're afraid and they never have the balls to
stand up for anything in life....of course my nana never said balls."

-Susan, through a mouthful of oatmeal and bananas

First real sign of spring

Alzheimer's

"there's a theory that people with Alzheimer's heal themselves of
their diseases. Because they forget they have them."
-from A Memory Interrupted, NYT

Two hearts

One in front in red, one in back in white light.

Saturday night

This is one of the happier Saturday's I've had in a long time.
Spent the first half of today walking tallulah and spending a long
while on the treadmill with my new heartrate monitor. I then walked
downtown to meet alan for lunch, taking whichever streets and side of
the street had the sun shining on it.

Alan and I hadn't seen each other in months, the longest we've ever
gone since meeting 5 years ago. It was like being with a shrink, my
alter ego and the Dalai Lama all at once.
He puts my whole existence into such a clear perspective. He gets me -
sadness, happiness, confusion, all of it. We definitely make life
better for each other by being so frank and honest (do those words
mean the same thing??) in all situations. He can drive me to tears
with his openness and understanding. Sometimes when he gives me his
opinion/feelings on a subject it feels like I'm listening to a smarter
version of myself talk. An unbiased Nicole talking to a less aware
Nicole. Because of him I think I'm an all around more level, sane
person.
One of my favorite parts of today was our conversation about living in
the moment. He said:
"time is not limitless. I wish more people would stop and realize how
important each second is and just live it rather than get stuck on the
little stuff. Go out, find your passions and do things really well."

Well its now 9:30 pm & I'm already home in bed wrapped up in a giant
cashmere blanket, with my baby girl snoring & dreaming away at my
feet, the New York Times and my new book, Barefoot by Elin Hilderbrand.

I'm very very happy.

Sidewalk love

Molly spotted this little heart on the sidewalk and passed it along.
Thanks so much Moll for sharing!

Where do you buy a tarp this big? And how many men does it take to
unfold it?
I kid you not, I am deeply fascinated.

Bugsy Malone

This is a screen grab of the movie Bugsy Malone. Jody Foster was 10
years old when she played the character named Tallulah (fatty faroo's
namesake).
If you've never seen the film, rent it asap, you'll be happier for it.

Or this one

Beautious.

This chair really wants me to own it

But I don't have the money to spend on it. If you happen to have
someextra cash laying around, feel free to purchase it for me. We were
meant to be together.
Thanks.

this was one of the most hilarious moments I have personally witnessed with a child. Christmas day Audrey spotted a teeny tiny green couch in a dollhouse and slowly removed it, staring wide eyed at it. She then carefully placed it on the ground, turned around and then backed up on to the little thing and plop - sat down on it. Naturally.

In a bewildered state, she turned her head to the side to look down, I assume to figure out why it was so uncomfortable, only it was completely hidden by her big red dress. Priceless.

Snow on the first day of spring

Need I say more?