Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Holy huge

Luca had a dr appt today which confirmed my suspicians - he's a giant.
The baby bear is now weighing in at 13.4 pounds & 24.25 inches. All of
which is pure heavenly love.

Monday, December 28, 2009

My bear the day after Christmas

Isn't he the cutest bear in America?

Happy happy

I am in heaven being with my whole family. Long walks, games around
the fire, Tuscan treats at tracy's house, singing by Audrey, food food
and more food.
I never want to leave these people.
Thank you for being so easy and happy and loving. I adore you all so



We bumped into Erin, her mom and little lily in Greenwich the other
day. Lily is 5 months old and such a mushy lover!
17 pounds and 27 inches. Huge!!!
So what is it you want from a relationship?

I want to love somebody and be loved. I want to be able to finish
someone's sentences. I want somebody who takes an interest in me and
notices that I like hearts of palm, and that my dogs are important to

Rachel Uchitel in ok magazine (yes, Rachel, tiger's lover)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

another goop masterpiece

the question:
“Relationships with our parents are notoriously difficult.  When we children grow into adults, year after year, the same buttons still get pushed, the same grudges resurface.  After years of repeatedly dealing with the same hang-ups, and for some, years of therapy, why is it so hard to accept our parents for who they are?  What can we do to be better children to our parents?”

have you read the answers Gwyneth got on goop from this question yet? it's phenomenal.
check it out:

Only the lobo's...

Check out there hilarious tree and what lobo wrote about it.

> "The tree is literally stuck in our celing.crazy griswolds."

A perfect first Christmas

My bear had a cozy, yummy, funny first christmas - with hugs and love
from all of his female family members.
I love a good old day of food so delicious and people so real. I pray
that Luca always understands and appreciates the value of these times
in life. Cause when the day is done there's nothing more important and
fulfilling then being with family that cared about you from the core
of their being.
And if your family happens to love playing games and the women happen
to stick together when there's a questionable word played in said
game, well then you've it all made. That! Is! Perection!
Merry Christmas to each of you. I'm making a wish that for the next
365 days until our next Christmas everyone I love will have a life
filled with all dreams come true.

Friday, December 25, 2009

A Christmas baby!!

Laura gave birth to a baby boy!!

Theo Hudson Kavanaugh Polacheck!

Born 12/24 morning at 7:30am. (Surprise! 2 wks early!) 7lbs 3oz, 20.5"

Cannot wait to introduce him to my bear!

Do you hear what I hear?

This song always reminds me of driving around Port Chester on Christmas eve, sitting in the back of the car all cozied up as we went from house to house looking at all the gleaming Christmas lights and decor. It's one of my favorite times of the year. Listening to my dad tell us who lived where and who did what. 
Every once in a while dad will belt out the lyrics to the song playing on the radio. And for whatever reason I always get an image of him singing "do you hear what I hear" as the lights pass us by...

 Said the night wind to the little lamb
Do you see what I see
Way up in the sky little lamb
Do you see what I see
A star, a star
Dancing in the night
With a tail as big as a kite
With a tail as big as a kite

Said the little lamb to the shepard boy
Do you hear what I hear
Ringing through the sky shepard boy
Do you hear what I hear
A song, a song
High above the tree
With a voice as big as the sea
With a voice as big as the sea

Said the shepard boy to the mighty king
Do you know what I know
In your palace wall mighty king
Do you know what I know
A child, a child
Shivers in the cold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Let us bring him silver and gold

Said the king to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Pray for peace people everywhere
Listen to what I say
The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light

The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light

christmas eve

this one is for audrey.

So little A, here's a little story for you. I think it's quite appropriate being that you'll be a big sister next Christmas time. Which, totally off topic, I think you'll be a big sis to a little brother. But that's just a gut guess. 
Anyway, I was looking out the window tonight, searching with baby luca for santa and his reindeer. while we were scanning the sky for that bright red nose leading the sleigh, we spotted a few boys and girls in their homes, next to their Christmas trees, staring at their presents in anticipation. As I'm sure you are doing at this very moment yourself.
Luca pointed to a little family, a big sister and a little brother both dressed in matching red and white pajamas. The big sister had just gotten a rocking horse - just like the one you have in your house! Her little brother wanted to play on it but she wasn't so sure she wanted to share with him. She wanted to keep it all to herself because it was her special gift, something her mom and dad gave to her. 
But that made her little brother sad. And who wants to make someone they love sad? No one, right?
So the little girl jumped off her new rocking horse and helped her little brother on, squealing with joy as she witnessed him enjoy each and every moment of his little ride. 
How easy is it to make someone happy? 
Luca and I think that's why santa decided to bring presents to all the kids around the world - because he knew how happy it would make people. How great is that? 
So there he is, up in the north pole all year round, making presents for all the good boys and girls. Working nonstop with all his elves and friends, all for good little ones like you! And your little brother or sister to come! 
So tonight, when you go to sleep, I hope you close your eyes and say thank you to santa for being so sweet - thank him for making you and so many other boys and girls around the world happy. 
And when your little one comes, I hope you always share and make him or her happy too. 
Luca and I are sending our love and cannot wait to see you!!!!!!!!!
Merry Christmas.xxxx

Luca turns 7 weeks old!

it's slightly absurd how obsessed and in love I am with this human being. If you haven't had the opportunity to hang with me and the bear recently then you probably don't know - and probably wont believe - the love and admiration is totally reciprocated. We are full on best friends at this point. We know each other as well as two people can know one another. And I love him a little more than one usually loves another. He is well, he is perfect. And I'm not ashamed to say I am the most proud mother on the planet being that this little perfect thing is mine. All mine. Lucky. I am so lucky. My little savior...
This week:
-he finally is growing eyebrows. They are white white white but
there's hair there nonetheless.
-a first dinner party! Where he was held by models (his standards are
sure to be off the charts) all night
-New York City's first giant snowfall. He looked at the white snow
with huge eyes
-we go everywhere using the ergo carrier. I sometimes forget he's
there it's so easy!
-on an endless journey uptown, Luca decided he'd make the Hermes store
a bathroom & (I hate this word but i'll use it) farted like a truck
driver from the first floor to the 3th & back down again.
-he got his first crib mobile, one that has crazy objects & colors,
which spins & plays Mozart - he goes bonkers! Kicking & squealing
endlessly. Sadly it broke after 3 days so now he just stares at it
waiting for the action to begin. The new one couldn't come fast enough.
-his eyelashes are turning very light brown. More blondie but def have
a brown tint
-those blue eyes still haven't changed
-on an afternoon field trip he joined me for a visit to my office to
meet all the great ladies that watched him grow in my belly. He was so
chilled out and easy, just lounging in everyones arms the whole time
-he sneezes once, every once in a while he'll do two
-naturally, as a bear, he loves to hibernate in a ball (on my chest) for hours upon end
-he stays awake longer and while awake is much more aware of what's going on around him. he'll just look around and stare at something for a long period of time - quite intensely.
- I think he has some imaginary friends/angels flying around him. he'll go nuts with pure joy as he stares upward. like he's watching something so so great appear around him. I am happy to say I think they are angels playing around for him, making him smile, making him content.
-he feeds for a much shorter amount of time but is still loving falling asleep at the source
-he's full on wearing 3-6 month clothes, some of those are even small for him
-his favorite place is on his changing table. he goes crazy kicking and laughing and looking around. he could spend hours up there.
-just now he's begun to "talk" back to me in a grunt and almost seems like he's trying to imitate my talking.
-he tickles me while he eats and will laugh while he does it - like he knows what he's doing.
-still his hands are the most active part of his being. it's nonstop playing...

if you haven't met this little angel, come visit us. he will make you smile. really.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Joy to the world

This is legitimately the most fantastic news I could ever hear right
before Christmas.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


I read this a long time ago when goop first sent it out. I reread it today as I waited on the longest line I've ever seen. There are endless amazing things to learn here - if you ever have an uneasy moment in your relationship, take some time to evaluate what's being said. Maybe if everyone takes what's written to heart, the world might be filled with a bit more love. And who wouldn't want that?

the strangest thing has happened this winter - I've fallen in love with it. yeah, really. I'm a summer girl, always have been. I live for bare feet, little bikinis, sun on my shoulders. But somehow this winter I've neglected to despise the frigidness and instead have actually been smiling each time I bundle up and walk out the door into the brisk air.
This being said, it certainly doesn't mean I'm not desperately happy to feel a warm breeze.
Are you loving this weather too or is it just me?

just give up one

image from
So Christmas is already here but winter is just starting, which means there are thousands of New Yorkers freezing without proper outerwear. 
New York Cares Coat Drive will change that - with your help. You have until December 31st to donate just one of your many (I know you have an overflowing closet of coats) to someone in need. 
Click here for details on how you can give, it's easy. Really.

Monday, December 21, 2009

If you read nothing else regarding the tragic death of Brittany Murphy, read this

The following blog post comes from here.

So, obviously, I have a Brittany Murphy story...
If you've read my book, "Exile in Guyville," then you remember the ending in which two actresses that I meet play good cop and bad cop with me and my bad attitude. The bad cop was Parker Posey, who is a friend of a friend, and who won't even remember meeting me and putting me and my annoying, boring ass in its place with a few simple, well-timed words, a moment for which I'll always be grateful. It ends my book because she was, without even knowing it, the first person not to indulge my whining.

The good cop was Brittany Murphy.

I haven't interviewed a celebrity since eating turkey bacon with Jennifer Hudson in late 2006. But in 2000 I was being assigned that task with increasing frequency and I was learning on the job. I had very little experience and, subsequently, more than a few disastrous meetings with various artist/actor types already under my belt. And I was still unable to steer an interview in the direction I needed it to go for my editors' sakes. If the person was dynamic and charming then they could bulldoze me and take over. Which is what Brittany Murphy did to me in the best possible way.

This was post-Clueless but pre-everything else, so she wasn't super famous yet. I hung out for her photo shoot all day, waiting for it to end, and watched her sing a lot of Rolling Stones songs while she lounged, in a staggeringly expensive dress, on the hood of a car. I remember the shoot was supposed to have been over by 2pm but wound up lasting until six for some reason. Her publicist was nice to me but was also keen to cut short my time with her for the actual interview because the other stuff had taken so long.

When it was finally time for my sixty minutes with her, the people who'd brought all the free lunch food were gone, as was everyone else, and she wanted out of the studio. Unfortunately the only other place to have the interview was the parking lot. So we went outside and sat on a low-level cement block wall (and had to move twice because of ants). She was still in the expensive dress and makeup and hair and was starving, so I gave her the Milky Way bar I had in my bag.

Back to my inability to control an interview: she immediately began asking me a million questions about myself. My background, bands I liked, Luby's cafeterias in Texas (the source of her "King of the Hill" namesake, Luann Platter) and how I was adjusting to living in Los Angeles. And because I wasn't adjusting well to living in Los Angeles, I told her that. Completely unprofessional on my part. But whatever. She was disarmingly adorable and sweet so I gave in to her prodding. She had that actress quality of looking you right in the eyes and hypnotizing you with her personality.

After listening to me gripe about being homesick for Texas, she told me that Los Angeles was just a place, just a zip code, and that there were awful selfish people everywhere, and that, yes, at 22 she couldn't be expected to be very wise, but that's what she believed. And she said something that didn't wind up in the interview or the book: that it was all going to be okay and that it sounded like my life was going to be great in Los Angeles. And she was right. It did turn out that way.

Then we got on task and did the interview, which was for a weird horror movie she was in called "Cherry Falls." And we talked about movies we liked and food we were obsessed with and then she did what no other interview subject has ever done to me. Unsolicited, she gave me her phone number and said, "You're so cool. Let's hang out. I'm going off on a movie shoot next week but when I come home let's hang out." I felt odd about it but was so moved by her kindness that I thought, "Okay, I'll bend my rule of no weirdo actor friends and see if she's cool to hang out with." So I waited for her to come back from the shoot, called the number, and her mom answered the phone and took my number. And that was that. No return call. We didn't hang out, which was fine. I have never craved celebrity friendships.

So I didn't know her at all or anything about whatever problems she might have had. She passed through my life for one day and we had a talk that made me like her a lot, and that gave me enough semi-hope that I put it in my book. I maintained a defensive soft spot for her even after all the tabloidy stuff started. And I'm grossed out that her death is already becoming a joke. Because I didn't meet a joke that day. I met someone who was sweet and kind and decent and funny. And it's kind of weird to feel sadness for a person you don't even really know. But I still feel it anyway.

“I wanted to put some youthful spirit into pearls” -thakoon

images from

This new line by Thakoon for the Japanese fine jeweler Tasaki is heaven. I am loving how he's put such an amazing twist on pearls. I have a bundle of pearls that i've been playing with, trying to recreate into something I'd wear daily. None of my creations are anything like this goodness. sigh...
"Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which flows into you as life, place yourself in the full centre of that flood, then your are with out effort impelled to truth, to right and a perfect contentment... Then you are the world, the measure of right, of truth, of beauty."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

and so it began...

Exactly one year ago I took to this blog for the very first time in an attempt to keep my family updated with where in the world I was.
To go to the store and buy my mom or dad a shirt wasn't enough. I wanted to give them more, a piece of me. And so this blog began. In what I thought would only be for the Fasolino family, I began to write candidly about my thoughts, about our family, about the places I was and the places i'd been. Never had I expected strangers or even friends to find their way to 12 stone hollow way in an attempt to entertain themselves or even find out what I was up to. But it became just that - a portal into my world. A way to discover what I was up to without having to call or email me. In turn it's become a way to see the inner workings of someone that lives a relatively basic life. Me - an unmarried new mom, a thankful friend, a loving daughter & sister, a hopeful soul, a heart seeker...
It's been a hell of a year that's for sure. 
While things never turn out as you think they will, this year was especially interesting and while certainly turbulent, it's ended up to be the most magnificent. As I sit writing I cannot imagine life without two things:
1. the obvious, Luca
2. this blog
For what started as a fun way to keep in touch, now is a device to get things off my chest while knowing it will help others. Each time I get an email from a reader, whether they be a friend or someone I've never met, I feel a sense of importance and happiness. To know that whatever it is I'm open and honest about is helping someone else, well that's all I can ask for. 
Until this blog I found it near to impossible to be totally open and honest with my feelings, even to myself. But somehow through here and through calls and letters from readers, I've let go of the wall I built around my heart. 
So I thank you all for reading and for helping me grow this year. I know this site is a totally random mix of shit but it's how my head works and hopefully through being so openly random, you too will see the world the way I do and when you look at it through my eyes, you will see a little more love and a little more appreciation for the little things. 
Merry Christmas, happy holidays, may 2010 bring light, love and joy to you from start to finish.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

I'm so into this holiday season

It's borderline obsession.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

From here. 

Bundle of love, ready to make snow angels!

A walk home

Pictures from last night, from Alan.
Doesn't get much better than this.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Happy snowfall!

The city was so humorous today. From the first moment I stepped
outside there was this frenzy as the city folk prepared for the
upcoming storm. Sand and salt were being tossed all over the
sidewalks, the line at whole foods extended well past the normal rush
hour zigzag. But then there was the one cue that you can always count
on: footwear. You would have thought you were in Aspen by the number
of fur boots trudging through chelsea. And not just on the ladies. Men
have found a new fad in the animal trade. My favorite are the boots
that have fur pompoms attached because as the owner of such boots
makes her way down the street, the pompoms become wound up in a knot
forcing the person to come to a sudden and severe halt. It's almost as
good to watch as people trying to ice skate in Bryant park. Almost.
Happy snow day to you all. Stay warm and have fun.

"Nothing is worth more than this day."
- Goethe.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

another way to give this season: toys for tots

I passed times square today and saw a sign advertising Toys for Tots. I assume mostly everyone knows about this amazing holiday time donation organization that brings toys to kids in need. If you don't know about it, to learn more go to
There is no monitary requirement, so go out and buy a little something for a little someone. I can tell you it might not feel like much to you but it will change the day for a boy or girl come christmas.
Click here: to find a drop off location near you.

"Shut Your Eyes"

one of the better shows i've been to in the past year was snow patrol, the best part was when they played "Shut Your Eyes" - one of my all-time favorite songs, lyrics below. gorgeous.

hut your eyes and think of somewhere
Somewhere cold and caked in snow
By the fire we break the quiet
Learn to wear each other well

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair
And you'll feel dizzy, light, and free
And falling gently on the cushion
You can come and sing to me

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at wil
image by irene peu
"An eye is meant to see things.
The soul is here for its own joy.
A head has one use: for loving a true love.
Legs: to run after.
Love is for vanishing into the sky
- Rumi.

give this holiday season

I recently read about operation santa claus at my local post office. the idea is that children in need will get their christmas letter wishes granted by kind strangers, like you. 
Read below and please help if you're in the NYC or Chicago areas.

Operation Santa Claus

Each year kind hearted people bring Operation Santa Claus to life by answering "Dear Santa" letters from needy children who would otherwise have no Christmas at all. This year Operation Santa Claus may be available at your local post office so please check with your postmaster to find out where you can get Dear Santa letters. Dear Santa letters will no longer sent out by mail, so if you would like to participate in this wonderful program, simply visit your local post office to pick up Santa letters in person.

If you live in New York, you may pick up letters in person. You can pick up letters in person at the James A. Farley Building. The Operation Santa Claus program will commence on December 1, 2009 and will end on December 24, 2008. You cannot pick up letters on Sundays. If you have any questions about the program please leave a voice mail at 212-330-3000 and your call will be returned as soon as possible.

read some other news on it here:
and here:

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Aunt Tara

The boy LOVES his aunt t.

Luca turns SIX WEEKS OLD!

It's hard to believe he's a month and half old already. I know I say something of that sort each week but honestly it's how I feel each time I go to write these posts. 
He's such a good man, such a deep little soul. He's got so much going on inside of his head, you can tell as he stares you down with his deep eyes. He knows something we don't know. Something wise. Something special and peaceful. It's the most beautiful thing to sit and stare into his eyes, as he sits there so patiently and sweetly as if he's saying "it's all ok, this life is good." well at least that's how he makes me feel.

This is a rundown of his week:
-his eyes are indeed still blue and haven't changed at all for a week now
-he took his first shower with me and experienced his first shared bath with his dad
-we had our first playdates - one with Paloma (and Amanda and Anthony), another with Liam (and ashley) and then one with Sasha (and Samantha). he plays well with others
-he fully smiles on cue now. it's a lot of joy when he first sees me in the morning, so despite me being exhausted, i cannot do anything but become filled to the brim with joy as I lift him into my arms
-he had his first Rockefeller tree/ice skating experience, complete with holiday window shopping 
-he's fully grown out of all his newborn gear and is now in all of his 3-6 month gear
-each day he becomes more and more active, he tries to roll on his side and depending on the surface in which he's on, he sometimes succeeds
-if he's near a bookshelf he'll stare fully until you literally take him away from all views of it. by just turning him around he will stretch his neck till he finds it. he does that with photos on the wall too
-the top of his head is almost entirely white blonde peach fuzz
-his little birthmark at the top of his nose (between his eyebrows) has really started to fade away, the ones on his eyes are almost entirely gone
-he got his first (little) christmas tree, complete with a baby blue pacifier ornament
-it takes only a matter of seconds to make him fall asleep if you place him on your chest and hold him tight to your heart. no matter what's going on, he will pass out immediately. he's the biggest snuggle monster bear in the universe
-loud music and noises never bother him, even when he's sleeping
-over the weekend he went to his first galleries in Chelsea. He liked the Richard Serra show at Gagosian and the Boetti show at Gladstone. 
-from birth he's been super aware and especially obsessed with my whereabouts, but this week he's much more eager and alert. if he's awake, he's looking around
-he used to eat better and quicker on a bottle but now he pushes the bottle away and only wants me
-the past 3 days he started to do this snack and sleep thing. instead of getting down to the task at hand, he'll chow down for a few minutes and pass out still latched on. the only way to wake him up is to put him down on his back, which will get him so bothered that he'll jump at the chance to feed again. but then a few minutes later he's sleeping again. it's the cause of my lack of sleep lately as what was a 30 min feed is now turning into over an hour feed. pray he gets back to his barracuda ways soon!
-the sling, stroller and ergo carrier are sure fire ways to get him to sleep
-the only reason he cries is if he's hungry, gassy or needs to be changed. he kicks his leg in unison with his crying - so cute.
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